What Being A Father Means To Me
By Hassan Ahmadu
According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, a father is defined as “a male parent.” While this definition makes sense, being a father means much more to me. Many people may have their own definition of what being a father is. To me being a father is being a leader, being a role model, a therapist, a counselor, and a blueprint.
This is my first time being a father. The feeling I get knowing I’m a father is one of the best feelings that I have ever felt. I look at my daughter and I am blown away that a life was created, and I have a major responsibility in caring for her. When thinking about everything that I think I’m supposed to do for her, I get excited and scared at the same time. I look at her and see how she looks so much like her mother, and I see some of my features as well. I look at her and wonder what she’s thinking, what she’s looking at, and how she feels. Then there are the moments when she communicates very clearly what she wants. There are instances when she wants whatever is in my hand, she wants me to pick her up, maybe she wants to feed. The one feeling I love the most is when I come home, and she sees me and gets excited. To know she’s happy when she sees me is an extraordinary feeling.
Me being a first-time father is filled with me traveling through unknown territory. I catch myself being super cautious and overprotective. There are times I know I must let her experience things and learn, however in the same breath I want to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself. When she was born, I literally watched her come into the world. I was in awe of watching how life works. I’ll never forget cutting the umbilical cord and seeing her face for the first time. It was a surreal moment. In that moment I felt a chamber open in my heart that never opened before.
Right after I cut the umbilical cord and they placed her on her mother’s chest for skin-to-skin time, it was literally a couple of minutes before they took Staci (Sanaah’s mother and my partner) out of the room for emergency surgery. There were so many people that came in the room, it looked like a pit crew at Nascar. They wheeled her out and I was left with the baby to do skin-to-skin time. I had to feed her baby formula with a syringe. I was surprised how much she was eating right after being born. When I was feeding her, I was amazed and scared out of my life at the same time. Staci was in surgery, and this is my first time feeding a newborn with a syringe. I was hoping I didn’t go too slow and nervous that I didn’t give her enough food. After 45 minutes or maybe an hour, they gave me an update on Staci and let me know that she would be coming back into the room. The doctor informed us that it was placenta accreta, which occurs when the placenta grows too deeply into the uterine wall. It can cause severe blood loss after delivery. When Sanaah was born, the moment went from overwhelming joy to scary in just minutes. Luckily the surgery was a success and Staci and Sanaah were fine.
My expectation of being a father is to provide, protect, and teach. Caregiving has a new meaning for me. I now know caregiving is a tremendous responsibility. I want to set her up financially so that she has more options in life. I want to provide an environment that is stable, and I want to help her have good self esteem so that it helps her make good decisions in life. I expect that everything will not be easy. I will keep putting my best foot forward to make sure I can do everything in my power to give Sanaah a great future.
